I'm (finally) officially a grown-up. We're getting a House!

(Warning: This is a lengthy, rambly post, intended for me to look back on in 5 years and shake my head at how silly I was that all of this caused me such worry. I hope.)


So, Shaun and I are about to finally officially become grown-ups. We are venturing into home ownership.

This has been a difficult transition to me. It has actually surprised me how poorly I have handled this. It has really STRESSED me out. Big time. Like I really want check into an institution with my own padded room. This has not been how I planned that I would take my first step into the big grown up world of home ownership.

I have analyzed the situation and tried to figure out why I have been so stressed and emotional about this. Here's what I've come up with:

1. Guilt. Why can't I just settle for some other house? Do I need to have a house with what I want in it?

2. Doing it the hard way. (Building a house rather than buying an existing one seems like the hard way, in my opinion).

3. This is our first home purchase, so why are we doing it the hard way?

4. Building a custom plan Shaun and I designed ourselves. (Who do we think we are that we are able to design a decent house?) By the way, I have gotten over this. Shaun designed it, and it is going to be an AWESOME floorplan!

5. People will judge me based on my choice of kitchen cabinets because I chose them myself. (Its human nature, isn't it?) What will my kitchen cabinets say about me as a person? Is that what I want them to say?

6. I can't blame the previous owners for anything ugly or ridiculous in my house!

7. How will I find the time to do the research necessary to make an informed opinion about things like kitchen appliances, durable carpet, and easy-to-clean tub surrounds?

We are actually going to be getting what we want, and for some reason I feel very guilty about that. I'm used to "making do" with whatever. I'm find that I am embarassed that I am going to have a house that I really like. In fact, until now, no one knows outside of family that we are really doing this. I haven't mentioned it to our neighbors. I haven't told anyone at church that we will be moving at the end of the summer. It is not going to be fancy. There will be no granite countertops. No whirlpool bath. No winding staircase. It is going to be a pretty normal house. But for the things that really matter, its going to have just what I wanted. A big island in the kitchen for eating and homework projects. A big desk area by the kitchen for computer stuff, art supplies, bill paying, etc. Kitchen, semi-formal dining, and great room all connected. Big bedrooms that are near each other, yet give privacy. Two sinks in the main bathroom (no more fighting over a spot to brush your teeth). A master bath! A sitting/piano room that is separate from the TV/great room so visitors can have a place to sit chat without kid stuff strewn everywhere! Why am I feeling like this is too nice for me? Am I just too used to living in very small houses and apartments? We've been married for 10 years and have never lived anywhere with more than 2 bedrooms. Never had a real basement to store extra stuff like Christmas decorations. (Unless you count the year that we actually moved into my parents real basement!) But we've been fine. People have gotten by for so long with so much less than what I already have. Why do I need something more or better?

Originally we thought we would easily find a modest, serviceable, existing home in a nice enough neighborhood. We did have a list of "must haves." As in "Must have approx. .25 acre lot" (which is not an unusual request in this area) or "Must have 2 bathrooms," "Must have basement," "Must not be on a busy street." But we were not looking for anything grandiose. Seemed like it should be pretty straight forward and easy. We talked to a mortgage guy. We found a realtor. I looked at tons of houses on the MLS but was so disappointed at what was available and at the price these things are going for! With the exception of luxury homes Cache county house prices have not just been holding steady, but have been still going up despite all of the economic woes.

We looked at some houses with our realtor, to see why on earth they can be selling for so much, and after seeing them, we were still wondering. If we had found a house we really liked, even though it was out of our price range, we would've put a reasonable offer on it, but we just didn't find what we were looking for. Not even close, really. I'm picky, but really not that picky. I just wanted a regular, decent house in a location that is close to school and work. But we just couldn't see spending that kind of money on something with a teeny tiny garage, a poorly designed kitchen, the wrong location, etc. etc. We have been watching the market for almost a year and a half, (since before we actually moved here) and have found nothing that we wanted to be our home.

What adds to the complexity of the situation is that Shaun and I are really looking for someplace to settle down for the long haul. People used to buy a house and raise their family in it and hope to have it paid off by retirement. They stayed put unless they had to move for a new job. These days houses have become like stocks. They buy it, keep it a while, and sell it for a profit so they can get something different or better. As a result, the quality and design of newer starter and mid-level houses has suffered, in our opinion, because people don't really care. It doesn't matter since they aren't going to be there forever, so they put up with whatever.

So anyway, I think one of the main reasons for my stress has been that we are trying to buy a home in a very traditional, perhaps old-fashioned, sense, but the market and houses available are not set up that way anymore.

Well, I could go on and on about this (and I already have) but I'll sum up by saying that the existing homes market for us falls into two categories:

1) old, completely inadequate for our needs, not good location, but within our price range (this describes the house we are currently renting, btw, so why move at all?)

OR

2) newer, poorly designed, so-so location, and more than we want to spend.

While we were house hunting, Shaun kept holding out hope that we might be able to build a house, but I thought he was nuts. New construction is usually so much more expensive. And, I really did not want the hassle of building my own and being responsible for all those decisions about what it would look like on the outside as well as the inside. But, despite my misgivings, this spring we took some advice from our parents and submitted a plan to a very experienced and well respected custom builder from our home town just over the hill. Shaun's dad is a masonry sub-contractor and has worked with this builder for decades. My father has also started working with him in his handy man job in the last few years. They both suggested we talk to him, but we thought he would be way out of our league. But, in the interest of exploring all options, we submitted a custom plan to him for a bid.

Turns out that partly because of the state of the economy, and perhaps partly because he knows our folks, this builder is available to do our house and can do it at a very reasonable price. We will get a house that meets all of our criteria, plus it will be new, energy efficient, and adaptable to meet our needs for years to come, just in case we really do stay here for the long haul. He and his partner have been great to work with and we are truly honored that they will be building our home.

The most stressful, and now that its settled, the most relief, has come from choosing the lot to build on. Its the one thing about a house that can't eventually be changed. We thought we liked a couple of lots in North Logan, and actually got pretty excited about them, but the prices were firm and just little more than we really wanted to spend. Both of them in very nice locations, but they each had quirky things that didn't sit well with us. This is where the proverbial roller coaster really started. We finally decided on a lot we really liked (High). We called on the lot, and it was possibly already sold (Low). The other selling partner called back the next day and said the other buyer hadn't shown them the money, so whoever can get the money together can buy it (coaster goes high again). This was going into a weekend. Seller called back and said the other buyer had got some money together (low, but not as low as the initial low).

Meanwhile, Shaun was driving around Hyde Park the next Monday after work and saw a new for sale sign in phase II of a newer subdivision. Its only 4 minutes to Shaun's job and Ben's school. (High) He called on it and only the lots on the outside (busier street) were in our price range (low). Other selling partner called and is eager to sell a lot (again, thanks to waning economy) so will sell us a .35 acre lot on the quieter inner street for $10,000 less! (high again!) Found out that there are potential water table issues in the area that are not good for basements (low again). Found out that the water problems have been very isolated to one area of previous phase and houses in our section have had no problems, and the basement should be totally doable with some common sense construction at our location (high again!).

So last week we put earnest money down on our lot! I was so worried going into the contract meeting about if we were doing the right thing. But the location is great. The water table should be OK, we'll have a sump pump just in case. The house will face west so we will have shade in the back yard in the evening. The garage will be on the north. It is a nice family neighborhood just like we were hoping to find. Things are really fallling into place and I am trying to feel less guilty about having a house that actually has what I wanted. I'm still embarassed about what other people might think of us building though. That's probably more a reflection of me than others. I just always thought building your own custom house was only for rich fancy people to do. And I am not a rich or fancy person.

We are really doing this! Our builder will be digging the hole next week!